Suffering Through the Pain…

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”  Matthew 11:28-29

^“Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.”  James 1:12

I don’t care about the specifics of any trial, test, tribulation, harsh circumstance one faces…it is a Pain.  More than not, it is a Royal Pain.  It isn’t a minor Pain, or else we probably do not even think about it.

I dislike pain.  Can you relate?

Yet, there seems to be all sorts of pain in our lives.  Some of it is physical, some of it is relational, some of it is emotional, I’m sure you can name some more descriptors.

Darren couldn’t sleep last night.  At the most, he would go down for about an hour.  We thought it might be due to teething.  There seems to be quite a bit of discomfort with teething, some pain…if you will.  As any good parent, I didn’t desire my child to go through pain.  Who does?  So, I gave him some Infant Tylenol.

Did I mention he kept waking up, crying every hour or so?

So much for the pain killer.

Lorie tried to calm him the first half of the evening, then it was my turn.  My job is more forgiving than her’s, so I sent her to bed and took my place next to my son.  It turns out that only one thing gave him any sort of peace…that was laying on his daddy.  I’m sure you’ve seen, or even done it before.  You lay down, and your child lays right on top of you.  Chest to chest, praying that he doesn’t knee you where it hurts the most.  I’m sure you get the picture.

There we were, laying on an extra twin bed that we have in the baby room.  He has adjusted himself many times, and finally gets to that most relaxing position.  He is blissfully unaware…that his shoulder is jammed up against my throat.

Yet, my child is not crying.  My child is sleeping, resting upon my chest.  As a dad, I’m in heaven.  Err…well, almost heaven.  I’m sure that heaven won’t include that constant choking feeling of something hard and pointy jammed into my throat.  But again, you get the picture.

There we laid, for the next five hours or so until morning came.  I suffered because my child needed rest.  Was it a test? No, I don’t think so.  Was it a trial?  I’m still trying to figure out what that means in a biblical sense.  Was it a pain?  Oh my, yes!

I think of two things.

First, there are times when we must suffer through the pain.  We must persevere.  It isn’t that we triumph over it.  Heck, we might just be lucky enough to last through it.  We aren’t guaranteed a present victory, just a future hope.  So, I hope to teach my son that some things are worth suffering through.  No, pain is never pleasant.  But, pain can be outlast.

Secondly, it makes me think of what my Lord did for me, so that I may rest in him.  We are his children.  We have pain of varying degrees.  Some of us seem to have more existential anxt than others, but boy is it there.  We need rest, rest in the only one that can truly give it to us.  I am positive that his suffering to provide that rest to us goes far beyond our present circumstance.

Tim

Labor Day Vacation…

We’ve just returned from a mini-vacation over the Labor Day weekend.  Darren was able to have a new experience.  It was the first time that he had been “in the country” since gaining the ability to walk.  We went for a walk every morning and late afternoon.  The weather was great, with cool mornings, and relatively nice afternoons.

Here are a few pictures:

Did I mention that he had a blast!?

Tim

In Memory of Stetson…

It has taken me a while to mention this.

Stetson passed away this past Saturday, in the loving arms of his mother.  The medical staff came to the realization early Saturday morning that there was nothing more they could do for him.  They removed his ventilator around eleven o’clock that morning.  He went to be with the Lord approximately forty-five minutes later.

I’ve not much more to say about this.  There is a reason for my inability to mention it before, which I’m not entirely sure about.  I’m sure much of it has to do with me being a father. I’m convinced that parents outliving their children is not God’s will.

I’ve prayed much for the family since that day.  I’m sure your continued prayers are welcome.

Tim

On Greatness

Senator Ted Kennedy died sometime between yesterday and today.  It seems that the past five days or so have been filled with it…death I mean.

Though I’ve never been one to agree with many of Senator Kennedy’s political views, I have to give credit where it is due.  As a Senator, he has made quite an impact upon our nation.

Thinking of the Kennedy’s made me think of our “national families.”  You know, those families that have made public service their livelihood. The families like the Kennedies and the Bushes.  Perhaps some would even call these “Great American Families.”

In the midst of the deluge of media coverage of Senator Kennedy’s death, one of the man video tidbits of him caught my attention.  It is one where he is saying that he won’t run for President, even though it may mean that he never would run for the office.  He said that his life was given over to Public Service, which he was involved in with the Senate.

His life was given over to Public Service…  His life was given over to something greater than the individual… His life was given over…

I know nothing personal of the man, no more than anyone else watching the news that is.  But, that phrase caught my attention.  It made me think about what truly makes a man great.

Matthew 11:7-11 says:

⁷As John’s disciples were leaving, Jesus began to speak to the crowd about John: “What did you go out into the desert to see? A reed swayed by the wind? ⁸If not, what did you go out to see? A man dressed in fine clothes? No, those who wear fine clothes are in kings’ palaces. ⁹Then what did you go out to see? A prophet? Yes, I tell you, and more than a prophet. ¹⁰This is the one about whom it is written:
” ‘I will send my messenger ahead of you,
who will prepare your way before you.’ ¹¹I tell you the truth: Among those born of women there has not risen anyone greater than John the Baptist; yet he who is least in the kingdom of heaven is greater than he.

John the Baptist was a great man, as defined by Jesus.  Please, don’t rush over the first half of verse 11 just because you think the latter half is speaking about you.  There is much in that first 11a section and preceding.

He was great.  He had given himself over to something greater than himself.  He had given himself over to his God.  Completely, wholly, without compartmentalization.  We might say he was a zealot.  Jesus called him great.

He was given over to a mission, a task per se.  He was the messenger, preparing the way for Jesus.  His greatness wasn’t found in his possessions, likability, or fame.  It was in pursuing his God given mission.  He was great because he was obedient.

The last thing that I see is that he was utterly human.  I didn’t post the text, but the previous passages show a man in deep doubt, possibly even despair.  He was in prison, very close to death’s door as we later learn, and he sends some followers to ask Jesus if he was the “one.”

I’m not saying that he was great because he was so fallible.  Not at all.  However, I can’t use my own humanity to keep me from being obedient to God.  The latter half of verse 11 says that those considered the “least in the Kingdom of heaven” will be considered greater than John.  I’m sure that will be based upon our prioritization of God in our lives, and those same lives being lived in obedience to him.

Tim

I met Stetson today…

…and I cried.

I cried multiple times actually.  Stetson is an eleven week old infant going through a pretty hard time.

You see, he was diagnosed with Whooping Cough.  His parents don’t know where he got it from.  He could have gotten it anywhere.  When the EMT got to the house, he asked Stetson’s mom where she wanted him to go.  Without thinking she said, “Cooks.”

It was a good thing she did, for Cooks Children’s Hospital is just about the only place around that does an Extracorpreal Membrane Oxygenation…lovingly called an ECMO.  Go ahead and click on the link.  I’ll wait.  It goes to the wiki, and I’m not going to pretend to understand everything involved with it.

Well, the ECMO seems to have saved his life, but it also put it into peril.  For some reason, it caused blood clots to form, all over.  They had to take him off the ECMO, and put him onto a Dialysis machine.  The doctors gave him somewhere between %30 to %20 chance of survival.  The ECMO provided the oxygen he desperately needed, but it was killing him in other ways.  If his lungs wouldn’t work, then there would be very little they could do.

The good news is that he made it through the proceedure with flying colors!

Amen and Amen!

His lungs have gained back some function, which is why he was put on the ECMO to begin with.  He’s still not out of the woods, not by a long shot.  But, things are looking up to some degree.

Please keep Stetson in your prayers.  Keep his young mother and father in your prayers as well.

Oh, and if you happen to have some kids… do whatever it takes to hug them mulitple times within the next twenty four hours.  Trip them up, hog tie them, do whatever it takes to get hold of them…and hold them tight.  They are our gift from God, and deserve our best.

Tim

Prisoner’s Chains, Mr. Jailor

Great song by Asa, a Nigerian singer.

Did you know that more people are in slavery now than any other time? I didn’t either.

Please go and watch the Video Here.

What other chains do we pass on?

Oh dear God, please break the chains.

Tim

Continueing to Pass On…

I was part of a wonderful trip this past weekend.  A few of us old fogies *cough* adults had the pleasure of escorting some of our elementary aged church children to the Zoo.

It was a grand time.  The children especially seemed to enjoy feeding the fish.  Getting up close to a Cheetah was a thrill all on its own.  And the penguins…err… Well, who would have thought they smelled that way?

All in all, it was an especially nice time.

We filled our little church van up, and headed to home.  One of our adult wranglers, I mean sponsors had an interesting conversation with one of the little girls right behind me.  Granted, I only caught half of the conversation, since I was driving.  They seemed to be talking about a movie she had recently seen.  I don’t recall the name of the movie, again my attention was elsewhere.

I came in on the part where the adult said, “Oh my, there is a lot of dirty words in that movie, isn’t there?”

That caught my attention.

The adult continued on to say something to the affect of, “I hope you don’t grow up saying those kinds of words.”

And then, with all of the heartfelt sincerity a 3rd or 4th grade heart could muster, the little girl said,”  Oh no!  I don’t want to be anything like my mom.”

…

..

.

Did you catch that?

Go ahead, read it again.  I’ll wait for you.

…

If that one statement doesn’t break your heart, then you either don’t have children or you don’t care about your children.

Did that sound harsh?  Good, it was supposed to.

What little girl shouldn’t look up to her mom?  What little boy shouldn’t think that his daddy could whoop every other daddy on the block?  In what sick world, are we so twisted and perverted that parents do things so horrible that their eight year old children know that nothing about their lives are worth imitating?

Oh yeah, the one we live in.

The truth is, no matter how much this little girl says that she doesn’t want to be like her mom, she will probably turn out very similar to her.  Why?  Because our children catch much more from us than what we intentionally teach them.  Many things about her mother will be passed onto her.

That was a wake up call to me.  I have to be more intentional in how I live, especially those times where I think I’m not seen.  Those moments will end up teaching more to my own children than anything else.  Our church also needs to do more for its children’s ministry.  Yes, we will never come close to having the same kind of influence that the dysfunctional mothers and fathers out there have, but we are compelled to do something.

Our God is still stronger than any one family’s dysfunction.

Tim

What We Pass On… Hoof and Mouth Disease…

And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, “The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation.” Exodus 34.6-7

“As surely as I live, declares the Sovereign LORD, you will no longer quote this proverb in Israel. For every living soul belongs to me, the father as well as the son—both alike belong to me. The soul who sins is the one who will die.” Ezekiel 18.3-4

Seemingly two different passages that say diametrically apposed things.

Personally, I see a progression of understanding for the biblical writers.  For the group in Exodus, there was nothing but community.  With out families, tribes, nations and such; there would be no survival.  Individuals just didn’t make it on their own.  It was a very different understanding of life from what we have today in America.  In Ezekiel, they would still have a strong sense of community; but God is revealing more to them.  People couldn’t blame their parents any more for their perdicaments.  People had to take responsibility for their actions.  God would hold people responsible for their actions, period.

I also like to point out that God’s propensity to lavish love and forgiveness far outweighs his willingness to punish.  You’re right, it isn’t fair.  God’s Mercy and Grace has never been about Fairness.

Darren has been sick lately.

It started with him sleeping fitfully through Friday night.  We noticed him eating funny on Saturday.  That is when I opened up his mouth, seeing a cluster of three ulcers on the inside of his bottom lip. ( At one point I had counted well over five ulcers in his mouth.)

I died a little bit inside.

You see, I get ulcers. Usually, only one at a time.  But, on occasion and for various reasons, I’ll have anywhere between two and five erupt in my mouth.  I know what it is like to wake up with my mouth on fire.  I don’t want to move, I don’t want to talk, I don’t want anything to be put into my mouth because of the pain.

I look down at my son, my 19 month old son, awakening to his mouth being on fire.  He doesn’t know why.  He doesn’t know that it is temporary.  He lives completely in the now, the horribly pain filled now.

My heart broke for him.  I was sure that he had inherited my ulcers.  I was positive that my son had inherited a painful, chronic condition from my loins.  I died a little inside, feeling oh so responsible for my son’s condition.

The nights were especially hard on him.  Friday night, Saturday night, Sunday Night, Monday night, and Tuesday night were all hellish nights. He would wake up ever hour and a half to two hours.  His mouth would be on fire.  He would wake up, start whimpering a bit, then let out a full throated cry of pain.  I would be at his bedside instantly, picking him up, walking him around, rocking him back and forth, holding him through the pain.  Somewhere between thirty minutes to an hour, he would fall back into an exhausted fitful sleep.

I cried, I prayed as I held him tight, and I cried some more.  No one should pass on a legacy of pain to their children.  It just shouldn’t happen.

I was finally able to get him to our Pediatrician on Tuesday.  Our Pediatrician diagnosed him with “Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease.”

I blinked, then asked the doctor, “Did you just say my son has Hoof and Mouth Disease?”  The doctor laughed, “No, not that.  This is different.  It won’t kill him, but he’ll be in severe pain for a little while.  Probably not much longer, since he started to present ulcers on Friday night, or so it sounds.  They last somewhere between four and five days.  He’ll be better sometime between Wednesday and the weekend.”

I asked the doctor about my ulcers and the likelihood of passing them on.  He told me that it wasn’t very likely.  Ulcers like mine have been misdiagnosed as being related to the non-fatal form of the Herpes virus.  Basically, some people believe that the ulcers are the virus as it is passed down in the family, when someone (a father, mother, grand-parent, etc.) had previously contracted it.  He assured me that wasn’t the case. (Which explains why viral inhibitors made for Herpes doesn’t work on it.  Trust me, I know.) To this day, the medical profession doesn’t really know where they come from, just that some people have a propensity for them, or not.  So, if my son gets them, it shouldn’t be “because” of me, or someone in our family history.

Does our Heavenly Father hold our children responsible for our sins?

No, he doesn’t.

Can we pass on habits and tendencies on to our children that leave them with a life full of pain?

Without a doubt.  I see it around me everyday.  I see it in the children, running the streets in 103 degree weather.  I see it as they ride their bikes around at 11:00 o’clock at night.  I see it in the high area divorce rate, and the co-habitating couples having babies, then breaking up.  I see it in the cigarrets, alcohol, and illegal drug use in the children; who inherit it from their parents.  These things aren’t taught as much as they are caught by the kids.

The chains of our sins seem to be passed on to our younger generations.  Oh God, please break these chains.

By the way, Darren seems to be better now.

Tim

Reconciliation, Intolerance of Lactose…and Law Enforcement

My stomach is having some issues today.  It could be lactose related, it could be medication related, it could have been a bad potato.  I’m not sure.  But, I’m quarantined at home until further notice.

The great thing is that I have time to think!  The bad thing is that I have time to think.

I’m still looking into Reconciliation.  What it is, what it isn’t.  While Forgiveness is part of it, it is not all of it.  Reconciliation always takes place in the midst of two or more, its never a solo option.  Reconciliation has been used to guilt people back into unhealthy relationships.  That is utterly horrid.  Reconciliation may mean that a relationship is mended, but it does not mean that the relationship has to be the same as it was before.

Again, while Forgiveness is a part of Reconciliation, it does not necessitate it.  Don’t let someone guilt you back into an abusive relationship.

Another thing I’ve been thinking about is:

Why do so many people hate Law Enforcement?!  That is just insane.  Yes, there are bad apples.  Hello, Police Officers are human too.  But, I will never assume the worse of any Officer for this simple reason.  Their job necessitates them to run to that which my survival dictates I run away from.  I have been blessed to know many fine Officers in my limited lifespan.  I love you guys and gals!

Personaly, I believe that Cop Hating should be labeld as a type of discrimination.  It seems to be similar to Racism, Sexims, Agism, etc.  People just can’t seem to rationally respond when Law Enforcement comes up in the conversation.  That has to be some sort of syndrome.

Again, too much time to think…remember?

So, here are my theological theories as to why so many people harbor ill feelings towards Law Enforcement.

1) We are all guilty.  From the day that our orientation towards sin manifests itself in an action of selfishness, we became Law Breakers in the deepest sense of the term.  We have an innate sense of this, something primal in our being.  When we see an Officer, we are just afraid that he or she might know something.  They are Justice personified…and we know that with out Grace and Mercy we are guilty.

2) They remind us that we aren’t God.  We are offended by God’s presence, because it reminds us of what we aren’t.  We want to be our own ultimate authority.  Officers, by their existence also remind us of this fact.  Law Enforcement is the only group that I know of that can legally limit or discontinue our personal rights.  They are a very real authority over us, and frankly that galls us!

So, on behalf of stupid people everywhere, I apologize to our brothers and sisters in Law Enforcement.  Yes, I’m stupid as well, for I suffer from the same orientation to sin.  Please know that any anger I show towards you signifies my own deep seated need for forgiveness, and does not reflect upon your character, integrity or honor.  Thank you for holding up the mirror of truth that reminds me that I’m not God.

Final thought of the day:

Lactose Intolerance is a pain…you can guess where.

Tim

Families for Orphans Act

I’m passing this on from Albert Reyes’ blog, Pan Dulce.

I have two people in my life that continually challenge me to care for the children around me in greater, more God-honoring ways.  Albert is definitely one of them.  There is some legislation going through the Senate and House regarding Orphans.  Please, take some time and read Albert’s blog concerning this.  Healthy, well adjusted, loving families are one of the greatest gifts to be given a child who doesn’t have one.  Let’s work together to make this more of a reality.

Go here: Families for Orphans Act

Thanks,

Tim