Convention – Family Friendliness, a Preface

I think that I should explain where I’m coming from in regards to my upcoming remarks.  I do not give the BGCT Annual Convention high marks concerning Family Friendliness.  This is important to me.

You see, I’m of the generation that grew up without fathers.  The term, “Latch Key Kids,” was made up to identify many in my generation.  Many of us grew up, for all tense and purposes, in a single parent home.  Some of us found ourselves there by the death of dad, a divorce which split the family, or because our father spent more time at work (and with hobbies) than with us.  This last is best described as an Absentee Parent.

I started out with a single mom.  My biological father died two months before I was born.  My mother was raising a step-daughter, two biological children, and one on the way.  To say it was rough, is an understatement.  My first male role model was from a Vietnamese family that lived with us for a while when they migrated to America.  To this day, I will always consider Dr. Doan to be my primary care physician.  His was the first male knee I remember being rocked on, the first male hands to push me on a swing, and the first male lap that I climbed up on.

My mother got remaried when I was around five years old, to Tom Lynch.  His life centered around work and football.  He garnered a thirty year reputation of hard work and fair dealings.  He worked every day but Saturday.  His main hobby was watching the TV… a very loud TV.  The only time I remember his regular attendance to my extracurricular activities was when I played football in 8th grade.  I hated football, with a passion.  I loved band and choir, yet the football game was what he showed up too.

Please hear me, I’m not saying he was a bad father, as they went at that time.  Actually, he was a regular father.  He was similar to the other dads that my classmates had.  He was an absentee father.  In my life, but not a part of it.  During my Junior High and High School years, dad lived in Hempstead while the rest of the family was in Palacios.  We were effectively split, for reasons that I was unaware of until much later in my life.

My senior year in high school, my two best friends found out both of their parents were getting divorced…on the same day.  Their parents were as disconnected from their lives as my parents were.  Their parents either worked the long hours, supposedly making life better for their families, or were so engrossed in their hobbies that they had little time for their children or each other.

As a reaction to that, all three of us live lives based upon Family priority over lives of Professional priority.  Though our mothers and fathers may say that they did as well, we guarantee that our version of it will look vastly different.

Now, fast forward to seminary life.  I was living next door to a couple of female English Grad students one year.  We visited quite a bit, developed a nice little friendship.  One of them lamented her lack of dating since getting to Baylor.  I promised to set her up with one of my friends.  She vehemently said, “No!”  She refused to date any of those preacher boys.  I asked her why, and her answer had to do with her father.  Her dad was a prominent preacher of one of our larger BGCT churches.  He was a model pastor of a larger church, for a long period of time.  He had been held up to us as someone to emulate in college and seminary.  I was shocked!  She explained what her problem was.  You see, she freely admitted that he was a great Pastor, and a great Father; but in her view he was a total failure as a Husband.  His wife always got the short end of the stick.  She was always playing second fiddle to the church and her daughter.  In the daughter’s opinion, her dad never showed any real, significant love to her mother.  She refused to marry someone like that.  She refused to marry a preacher.

As I read Scripture, I see where God has called me to live sacrificially for my wife, as Jesus did for the Church. Never am I called to sacrifice my wife and child upon the altar of a congregation/vocation.  Before someone gets up in arms about the Kingdom, let me say this.  Yes, I am to sacrifice for the Kingdom, to carry my cross in “following Jesus.”  That does not necessarily equate with “working for the church.”  When I see what I’m commanded to do, I’m to love my family most of all.  If I’m a failed father/husband, then I’m a failed Christian/Minister.

So, for me this means that I will choose to skip things, like annual conventions, if I feel that too much time is being taken away from my family.  I’m not interested in the big church, big position, big paycheck if it means my wife and son experience family life sans a husband/father. From an experiential perspective, you might say my first priority is my wife, and my second priority is my son. However, my first allegiance is to the One that commands my priorities to be ordered so.

As of this moment, the BGCT Annual Convention does not offer enough compelling reasons to expect me to leave my wife and child behind for three days.  Also, they don’t have anything to compel me to bring them along next year to McAllen.  I pray that the Committee named by President Lowrie, full of all those East Texas/Dallasite individuals, come up with something good.  You’ve a tall order to fill.  Have you ever tried to take a young family to the Annual Meeting?

I have some suggestions, some very specific ones, which will come in my next post.  Again, I just wanted to let people know where I’m coming from.  I’m one of those husbands/fathers that refuses to be as the ones that have gone before me.

Tim

P.s. in regard to my “East Texas/Dallasite” comment.  We’ve a large state, and I believe it should be better represented.

Thoughts on an Annual Meeting…

First off, I had two things going on.  Let’s call them tests for the BGCT Annual Meeting.

1) I wanted to see how “Family Friendly” the convention was.

And

2) I wanted to see what it would be like to “tweet” the convention.

The short answers for the questions are: 1) Not at all, along with 2) a royal pain.

Now, for  a longer explanation of my answers.

I’ve attended our BGCT Annual Conventions for six years now.  This was my first year to bring my family. For the record: I, my wife of 8 years, and our 22 month old son made the trip.

I had no intention of submitting my 22 month old son to constant booth hopping, multi-hour general assemblies, and passing him around like a church offering plate.  However, I did want to introduce him to some of my favorite HPU/Truett professors, and try at least part of a General Assembly with him.  That was the intention at least.

We left Lake Worth very early for the convention, spending the night at Grandma’s house in Hempstead (Saturday night).  We spent most of Sunday with her, and my sister’s family in Wharton, making it a mini-vacation.  We were signed up for the young minister’s rooms made available by the Center for Effective Leadership.  To make it clear, they were giving free rooms at the Hyatt Regency to ministers under the age of 36.  Since I don’t turn 36 until December, I barely squeaked by.

With confirmation number in hand, I approached the front desk of the very swanky hotel around 7:00 that evening.  It turned out my confirmation number brought up someone elses name.  I commented that he may not want to room with my 22 month old, and the front desk immediately saw the problem.  All I had were emails, no phone numbers at the time, so I felt kind of up a creek.  About an hour later, they found an empty room that I could charge at the current rate of $200+ per night for two nights (one night, with all the taxes and charges added was $333).  It was past my child’s bed time, and my wife was getting tired as well.  I took the room, putting it on my church credit card…

…did I mention that my church is working in the financial red?

Back to the story – having gone through all of the mailers/online info concerning the meeting, I knew that there wasn’t any child care, nor spousal activities.  So, we decided that she and my son would go back to Wharton to be with Grandma and the cousins.  Grandma was truly happy!  We ate breakfast at the horribly expensive restaurant, and then I got to wait on a bus that never seemed to come.  Luckily for those of us waiting, the DBU bus had some room.  I’m a tad bit late, but that is ok.  The people at the Credentials Booth are walking miracles.  I look into my bag, and I had forgotten my information to register!  However, 10 minutes and a friend (fellow pastor) vouching for my identity, I was credentialed and registered!  Kudos to the Credentials Committee!!!

I walk thru the college booths, seeing some old friends, and I’m given two tickets to the HPU dinner for that night.  This is a huge thing for us.  You have no idea how much I love HPU.  It is the best Baptist College in the STATE!  More ministerial grads are still in ministry after 5+ years than any other school.  HPU has it’s stuff together, you need to send your kids there!  This dinner was going to be my son’s introduction to Annual Meeting life.

I make my way to the first General Assembly and begin to tweet/FaceBook my way through it.  You see, my Twitter is set to also post to my FaceBook account.  My poor FB friends had not idea what was coming.  Needless to say, I’ll never do that again.  Perhaps it is due to my inability to multi-task, but I missed more trying to get digitized tidbits out there, that I felt like I missed 1/2 of the meeting.  I enjoyed the worship band, but when I looked out at the frowning faces of the crowd, I had an insatiable inclination to take a picture, post it to FB entitled the “Frozen Chosen.”  Well that, and it was below freezing in the hall.

My wife and child get back in time for the HPU dinner, and I get to be the proud papa showing his son off to his favorite college professors.  I was in heaven…for a while.

Did you know that there are no high chairs in the Convention Center?

Hint to the new committee just put together, GET HIGH CHAIRS if you want events to be Family Friendly.

So, little Darren is being passed in between my wife and I.  At first he’s bashful…until Dr. Auvenshine begins to give his presentation.  I love Dr. Auvenshine.  It seems that my son does too.  He thought Dr. Auvenshine was initiating a dialogue… Oh, and did I mention that we were at the front middle table?

Yeah… we were.  Yes, Darren doesn’t have an inside voice.

My embarrassed wife decides to take Darren for a walk in the foyer…next to the escalators…which totally fascinates my son.  Apparently, he had a total melt down when mommy didn’t allow him to play on the escalators on his own.  Did I mention “Total Meltdown?”  Yeah…it was.

So, instead of making the second General Assembly that night, I’m taking my frazzled nerved wife, along with a tired (but trying to be hyper) son back to the hotel.  She climbes into the bed, assuming the fetal position, as I undress and bathe our little bundle of joy.  At 8:45pm, I crawl into bed next to my best friend in all the world…and, she tells me to scoot over…she is sore and tired.

Did I mention that our son is sleeping in a travel bed? In our room?  Yes…quite an experience.

The next morning, we spend lots-o-cash on the over priced breakfast, and it is decided to drop me off at the Convention Center, while my wife takes my son back to Wharton to bless Grandma a third time in as many days.  She absolutely refuses to take him to a General Assembly, lest he decides to help the President in moderation procedures.  Grandma is thrilled.

I tweet the thrid and final assembly, and my FB friends are beginning to revolt. Who knew that so many people didn’t care about Denominational Conventions?

I make it to the G5 Conference, which had to be the best thing there this year.  I was only able to make the first half, because of travel.  The first session was tremendous.  I’m still saddened at having to miss the second.  However, we wanted desperately to leave before 5pm.  You see, travel back to Fort Worth was going to be around 5 hours or so.  We would be getting in greatly after our boy’s bed time.  So, I was picked up by 4pm, and on our way home.

Obviously, this isn’t every detail of our little adventure, but you get the picture.  My wife refuses to go to McAllen next year.  There is just no way.  However, I may pray her out of that decision.  But, to all those East Texas and Dallasite members of the Committee to study the family friendliness of the meeting, you have your work cut out for you.  As of this moment, in my own personal (experiential) opinion; the Annual Meeting is an absolute HORROR for young families.  I will make some suggestions in an upcoming post.

Be Well,

Tim

P.s. A little preview to what’s coming… Most guys my age grew up with absentee fathers.  We’ve no desire to be like our dads.  You need to make a place for families at the convention.

Annual Convention Tweeting

My family is traveling to H-Town for the BGCT’s Annual Convention. Actually, I’ll be at the convention, while my wife and child are visiting with grandma.

I’ll endeavor to tweet my way through it. I’ll try to get a blog up when I can, though that will probably have to wait until the evening. It will be interesting to see how my iPhone battery holds out.

To be honest, I’m not expecting much to happen. Lee won’t be there to offer his motion, and everything else seems to be business as usual. But, I’m looking forward to seeing some college and seminary friends. I’m especially looking forward to seeing my college proffs.

There are a few break out sessions that look interesting. There is one on the missional church concept. We’ve not had a viable BGCT person on that since the let Minatrea go. Let’s face it, the last time a convention related committee was told to look towards the future; the came back with a name chang. I’m expecting TX Baptist to realize that God’s heart is a Missional heart about ten years after everyone else. Still, there is at least one break out session this year.

I’m also interested in the young leader discussion. Granted, this will be my last year to be a part of it. The cut off age seems to be 35. I turn 36 in December. I think there is another session on pastorial leadership that is being offered. If so, then I might go to that one instead. I believe this to be my weakest area, and will seek out all the continuing education on it I can.

There is a session on Spiritual Formation, that I’m praying goes beyond the drivel that has been passed onto us so far. I haven’t heard a half way competent speaker on it since the days of Epicenter. Most of the time it is focused on teachers (read Sunday School teachers) giving there students more “real life application.” There has been a repackaging of the 80’s Sunday School methodology, masqaurading as Spiritual Formation/Transformation. Please, will somebody bring back Dallas Willard, or Bob Roberts, Jr.?! Seriosly, someone actually experiencing it would be a big plus. Well, I’m going to see if anything different is coming down the denominational pipe. Who knows, miracles still happen.

I’ll see you later,

Tim

Transformation, thru the First Chapter…

I’ve asked a couple of guys to read through Bob Roberts, Jr.’s, “Transformation” with me.  I’m not really going to write a critical review, as much as think through what I read.  My goal is to assimilate the information, as I prepare for the upcoming dialogue.

Overall, I’ve had a positive reaction to what I’ve read.

Part One begins with some questions.  It is entitled: “Survival Questions for the Church.”

Practically every sentence jumped out at me to be remembered.  What a frightening experience, since my memory is horrid.

He begins with the question: What would it look like for your church to turn the world upside down?

He continues in this vein.  Ask probing questions, designed to force the reader to reflect upon his/her place of worship.  In particular, he mentions that he had to “see my own dreams crash to see God and what he wanted.”  Throughout this first section, there is a lot of giving up.  Giving up assumptions, dreams, goals, attitudes of superiority; all to be empty so that God can fill us up with his intention.

He begins to mention how much he’s learned from the Church in developing countries.  This is a theme.  This is one of the things we give up.  We are so convinced that we have the answer, we have what everyone else needs, yet we are the ones dying in mediocrity and secularism.  The Church of the East, Africa and South are on fire for God, and are being used by God in the greatest Church Planting Movement to be seen.  Here are some examples of what he means:

Things the Western Church knows/does, but where we are lacking:

• We have learned relevance and communication, but not transformation.
• We have learned purpose and functionality, but not essence and core DNA.
• We know so much of how, but so little of why.
• We want to change the world, and we become managers of organizations.
• We make people more religious, but no different spiritually or culturally.

That is just an example of this thoughts.  So much rang true in my heart, it almost lead me to tears.

He asks a question, that haunts me at times: “Is this what I gave my life to?”  He points out that church attendees live no differently from nonbelievers (which is found by Barna, 2003).  We know how to weekend events, but no really community transformation.  He makes the point that we try to hire people to change the world for us.  I hear that as outsourcing the Great Commission.  Whether it is churches hiring ministers, or us using Cooperative Funds to hire other, specialized professional ministers.

We have the funds, we have programs, we have systems, but we lack transformed lives.  This kills me.  We don’t make a difference, because no difference has been made in us.  So, we need to see things a little bit differently.  Less about us, and more about the Kingdom of God.

He goes on to give a definition of this.  This kind of church will be “glocal.”  Here is what he writes, “Glocal churches create disciples who, transformed by the Holy Spirit, are infiltrating today’s culture on a global and local scale with the undeniable message of a changed life.”

Wow!  That has impact on me.

To some extent he believes the church has lost credibility in our culture.  We don’t have changed individuals.  We have religious people, we have religious style, but little actually depth and substance.  We cannot “consistently live the message we herald to the world…” Yet, we are very successful at religious marketing.  We’ve been taken captive by our culture.  We can’t speak prophetically to it because we look too much like it.

Our goal is to help people upon the walk of Christ like transformation.  For that we look to both the first century Church, as seen in Scripture, as well as what God is doing in today’s Church in developing countries.

Chapter one begins with the Church finding it’s voice again.  To many in the world, the Church; and correspondingly God, just isn’t a player.  He, and the Church, just don’t matter in their daily lives.  We are left with only bringing some message to people when tragedy strikes.  We are only able to see conversion when people are at their most emotionally unstable, and thus manipulative state.  Is not the Gospel for everyone at all times of their lives?  He seems to think so, and he begins to tell his story, and the impact it has made upon his ministry, and church.

Much is said about different experiences he’s had while traveling.  Church looks so differently in developing countries.  No big budgets, no bands, no big organs; just the Holy Spirit oozing out of the people’s pores.  On the other hand, he shows where we got locked into the systems of modernity.  How we believe discipleship is the transfer of information, which leads to a changed life.  He shows the great disconnect.  If anything, we are a case study in how the transfer of information really has little actually transformative qualities.  We are self-centered and consumer driven.  The difference between us and big business is simply the product.  We’ve built large churches, based upon proven business strategies…leaving out the Holy Spirit.  Our churches are larger than ever before, yet the national church attendance level is at an all time low.

Frankly, we need to import what it means to be Church from some of these developing countries.  There is very little we need to export, along the lines of how we do Church.

So, the first chapter is setting up the argument for change, for transformation.  He begins to define what it means to be Kingdom focused, more so than what we have been. For too long we’ve defined God’s Kingdom as our own local congregation.  If we are growing, then the Kingdom is doing great!  If giving is down, then the Kingdom is in strife.  Yet, the Kingdom is so much more than this.  It is doing fine, while the American Church is dying.

He mentions some writers that have had an impact upon him, in regards to recapturing Intimacy with God, instead of just Religion.  Such writers are Willard, Foster and Tolstoy.  There is a difference in discipleship here.  We start to be defined by our intimicy with Christ, over just being able to preach well.  We can truly say, “imitate me as I imitate Christ.”  Something that religious entertainers, mega-star pastors, never seem to be able to do.

He mentions Ghandi, as one that used Christ’s Sermon on the Mount as a way of living, yet wasn’t a Christ follower.  He did more with a 1/2 truth of Jesus, which he was willing to live out, than what most of us do with the full truth.

Yes, I felt convicted with that.

We desperately need transformation, of our own lives if we are going to be Kingdom oriented.  He calls it “Kingdom in, Kingdom out.”  He refers to Salt and Light.  Salt would be our continued transformation.  Us becoming that which gives people a taste of who Jesus is.  Light is proclamation.  Both are needed, and could be dangerous without the other.

This is the second time that I’m reading the book.  As I take more time with it, I find it even more convicting and enjoyable.

Tim

Concerning Giants Among Us… Transformation to come…

I seem to learn something new about people all of the time.  This Sunday however, I learned something that really impressed me.

There is someone in my church that I consider a hero.  When I first became the pastor, he wasn’t even attending.  However, within a couple of years, he and his wife started coming regularly.  I was told to never expect him to join, he just wasn’t going to do it.  Fast forward a couple of years, and he attended a men’s group that met in my house and he had joined the church!

Al is a quiet man, doesn’t say a whole lot at all.  He lets me know that he enjoys my preaching at the end of the service, accompanied with a handshake and a smile.  Al isn’t a young man anymore, now well into his eighties.

I knew that he was a WWII veteran, from some time we spent together in that men’s group.  I was impressed then.  Al was a member of the Special Forces, and was a guard at the Nuremburg Trials.  What I didn’t know was that he also landed at Normandy, specifically – Omaha Beach.

He’s been a quiet and gentle man, as long as I’ve known him.  He’s lived through quite a bit, some of it quite harrowing; I’m sure.  He’s done what he was called to do, without complaint.  He’s faught through fear, defending himself and others, and now lives out a quiet life in a quiet town.

I am blessed to know him.  Our church is blessed that he’s a member.  You just never do know what stories some hearts harbor.  Giants walk among us, and we are unaware.

Tim

Review: “Transformation,” by Bob Roberts, Jr.

I’m going to start a chapter by chapter review of “Transformation,” by Bob Roberts, Jr. This will begin tomorrow.

I’m reading it again, but this time I’m discussing it with my youth minister and volunteer intern. I look forward to where this is going.

Rick Davis on Hopes and Heroes

Rick Davis is my friend.  I love him dearly, and I read is blog often.

He is currently writing about Hopes and Heroes, especially those he met during his denomination service with the Baptist General Convention of Texas.

Take a gander at what he’s writing.

Tim

Please, No More Taxes…

Well, the State of Texas is trying to raise our taxes again.

You can read about their different proposals here.  Be sure to vote against this mess come November 3rd.  Actually, why don’t we just vote against everything until they begin to understand that we are their bosses?

I am holeheartedly against them taking more of my money while they simultaneously abuse the funds they’ve already procured.

Tim

Interesting Article by Bruce Gourley on Baptist Women in…

…Ministry.

Bruce Gourley wrote an interesting piece on his blog entitled:

Baptist Women in Ministry: A Journey Unfinished

Feel free to take a gander at it.

For me, my mind is split among three topics.  First, it Christian Discipleship.  I’ll be preaching towards that theme during the month of October.  I’ve also been thinking quite a bit about Power, and our propensity towards it’s abuse.  Last of all, in a related fashion, I’ve also been doing some thinking about issues of Women in Ministry.

Power… Much has to do with how we see it, desire it, are consumed by it.  Perhaps we’ve totally missed the point in our modernistic view of authority, leadership, and effectiveness.

Tim

BGCT and Women in Ministry

There’s been a little ruckus around an upcoming position termination at our beloved BGCT.  If you haven’t heard, they are eliminating the Julie Sadler’s position: Leadership Development \Women in Ministry Consultant; Coordinator of Strategic Relationships.

Mostly, the ruckus has centered around a charge brought on by Aaron Weaver, of The Big Daddy Weave blog. He believes that the BGCT is distancing itself from the issue of Women in Ministry.  In particular, he has written a blog post entitled, “The BGCT’s Center for Effective [Male] Leadership.” If you’re not a reader of BDW, you’ll find his writings very well articulated and sourced.  He may come on a little strong, as is the tendency for most males feeling strongly of a topic.  Understatement is not his gifting.

Go ahead and read the post.  I’ll wait on you.

Ok, so the idea alleged is that the BGCT is distancing itself from the issue of Women in Ministry, according to BDW.

John Hall, of the BGCT’s blog, “We Are Texas Baptist,” wrote a short piece called, “BGCT creates Center for Effective Leadership.” He states that the Center will incorporate many areas of leadership development, meaning some substantial changes for related departments.  One of the changes is the termination of Mrs. Sadler’s position.

I know that BDW is a huge supporter of Women in Ministry.  He is usually a huge supporter of the BGCT in general.  Sense he’s made no indication of actually contacting anyone in the BGCT, I’m left with a particular question for BDW, “Is Mrs. Sadler a personal friend of your’s, or someone in your family?”

I called the Center for Leadership Effectiveness and spoke with Ron Herring.  We spoke for around 45 minutes or so, and I specifically asked if there was an official stance on Women in Ministry of the Center of Effective Leadership.  He said that the stance of the Center is the same that it has always been.  I asked for clarification, because it was my understanding that the Center was a new development.  He clarified by stating that it was the same as what has been the BGCT’s stance.

The most succinct words I could find are found here.

The Baptist General Convention of Texas offers support and encouragement for all women who are in vocational ministries, to those who sense a call to vocational ministry, and to those involved in the support and training of present and future women in ministry.

From my conversation with Ron, I have to conclude that this is the stance of the Center for Effective Leadership, as it implies to Women in Ministry.

He stated that the Center would try to develop Leadership in many different areas.  We spoke of five areas in particular.  Of these five, they included Women in Ministry and Congregational Leadership.  I asked if “Congregational Leadership” meant pastors, and he answered in the affirmative.  He affirmed that the Women in Ministry emphasis would include female pastors, and the Congregational Leadership would include them too.  There was going to be plenty of overlap between the areas of emphasis.

From the conversation, I came away with the following understanding.  1) The Center for Effective Leadership is for everyone, in all types of leadership positions.  2) In particular, the Women in Ministry emphasis will be headed up by Emily Prevost. 3) They are advocates of the Churches, and will endeavour to provide help to all of them in a holistic manner, regardless of their ideological stance.

In my opinion, they will have to hurdle some obstacles.  First, Julie Sadler did a remarkable job; and filling her shoes are nigh impossible.  During our current economic situation, people loosing their job from our Convention offices will be hard to stomach.  Perhaps if leadership took substantial pay cuts, we would believe they really are doing everything they can to reduce costs in a responsible manner.

Secondly, I believe that they will continue to find criticism from those that hold to the issue of Women in Ministry as a primary “plank” in their theological/ideological platform.  If it isn’t up front and center, they won’t be happy.

Thirdly, those that believe it is theologically/ideologically wrong to support women in ministry will continue to beat upon the institution.  There will be no pleasing the extreme.

Lastly, I believe there may be some emotional connections under the surface, possibly some relationships being hurt, that will add to any “fire” that may be around because of this.  Granted, this is conjecture; so feel free to flame away at me.

I strongly encourage the Center for Leadership Effectiveness to get together a Women in Ministry Conference.  This is something that some very vocal people, me included, feel strongly about.

Don’t rush it.

Make it quality.

But, get’er done!

Tim

____________

Note: BDW has answered my question on the forums of baptistlife.com.  He did not/does not know Mrs. Sadler personally.